There's a person inside of me that's been dying to come out. She speaks and I shut her up. She knows what's best for me, but I never want to listen to her. I've always known she was right. She is, after all, the person I would like to be. She takes responsibility for her actions and acknowledges the lessons in their consequences. We all have these people inside of us. Call them our conscience, our Jimney Crickets, whoever they are, they point us in the right direction. In Hinduism, it's called Atman. The universal soul. Essentially, the piece of God that is in everyone.
Today is the day I let that person speak and guide me through life. I know I've said this a million times, but lately that person has been kicking and screaming. I don't know if this is some sort of premature quarter life crisis or it is time to finally face the fact that I am an adult now, and I am no one's responsibility, but my own.
Last night, I was robbed, and I am taking responsibility because I let myself get so intoxicated that I blacked out and thought it was a cool idea to walk home alone. I let the person inside of me speak, every now and again, but my friend alcohol loves to shut her up completely. It's time to shut alcohol up now. I am going off it cold turkey because I have tried everything else, and it appears to be an all or nothing for me and right now and I am choosing nothing. It's going to take a lot of strength, but I can't keep falling short of the person I want to be. I couldn't have asked for better communication with God than the signs I've been given in the last few weeks and this time I will learn my lesson. I know better than to drink to the point of no control, but I did it anyway, and I got robbed. I knew I should not have gotten into a relationship, when I did not feel complete as a person, and now my heart is smashed. It's time to complete this person, and this is how and why I am starting off on this journey...
For the longest time, religion has scared the hell out of me (no pun intended). If I had to pick a team, I would tell you I'm Hindu. After all, aside from being the religion of my mother, it encompasses core beliefs of the universal soul, reincarnation, and karma. But I have always believed, that God made us individuals for a reason. That we have our own paths to the same the truth. To me, organized religion takes away from that path. It tells you how to pray, what to believe, what's right and wrong. The truth of the matter is, we all know what's right and what's wrong deep down in ourselves, and there is no need for some man made institution like a church or temple to tell us that.
I am taking this step toward spirituality because I am tired of running scared. It will take a ton of time, strength and courage, that I'm not even sure I have. I have a few weeks before school starts back up and I have to become a law school zombie again. In these weeks, I want to see what all the fuss is about. I want to read the texts of other religions, the Torah, the Bible, the Koran. I have created this blog to share what I will learn and hopefully as a way of holding myself accountable. To explore why the concept of God just won't go away, and why faith in God is the only thing to really get your through the pain. To define MY faith, my path to God. I have learned that nothing is more embarrassing than publicly showing off that I cannot finish what I've started and falling short of the person I am meant to be. I hope this blog will commit me to this journey. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? I will leave you with a quote that I see everywhere, and you've probably seen a million times yourself. It's super cliche, but so right at the same time:
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." - Anon.
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